This post builds off of the great speech by Bobby Schuller titled Becoming Anti-Fragile (on YouTube) and Lucy Negus' poem Christpower.
I say counterintuitive in the title because in American culture especially, the idea is that selfishness is best and "every man for himself" as the pathway to greater peace and happiness. New Testament Christianity comes in and counters this with instead an emphasis on being more other-focused, with an attitude of "every person for each other," being generous, and treating others as you would want to be treated.
Many modern men, I think reject Christianity because they see it as more useful to adopt the "dog eat dog" secular mentality of selfishness and greed. They see all of this emphasis on compassion and loving your neighbor as yourself as a form of weakness. They think that competitive capitalist America has no room for such a "charitable" philosophy. They see Christianity as a "feminine religion." I thought the same thing for quite some time but have since changed my mind.
After following the Nietzschean philosophy and the philosophy of American selfishness for a time, I found that while it sometimes paid off in short-term pleasures and feelings of power; it was ultimately a long-term failure for long lasting happiness or durable fulfillment. This essentially atheistic life stance, began to take its toll on me overtime. I began to notice that it put me in a defensive Attack Mode position, seeing everyone as a rival and an enemy, in "a war of all against all" (as Nietzsche once put it). I ended up being full of anger and tention causing fatigue, rather than the rejuvinating inner peace of the gospel method. I also lacked the existential strength that comes from the meaning-making power of Christianity.
I then remembered my reading of Stephen Covey's best-selling business book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and realized that Nietzschean selfishness, a "might makes right" attitude, and greediness, is essentially what Covey calls a win-lose attitude. In fact, Stephen Covey learned from studying effective people and businesses that they all practiced the principles of: seek first to understand, then to be understood; negotiate win-win deals; and form an interdependent synergy. These principles are also taught in Stoicism and Christianity.
I began to realize that it might seem counterintuitive to practice the secular version of love your neighbor as yourself by seeking mutual understanding, synergy, and win-win deals; but in fact, that is what effective people and businesses practice. The work of John Gottman has also mathematically proven, through scientific studies, that the Christian practices also produce the healthiest relationships.
I then remembered reading books by successful businessmen who list Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People, as the number one book to become more successful in business. Turns out that Dale Carnegie himself went through a phase of agnosticism but eventually came to find pragmatic value in Christianity and he implements many Christian virtues in his book.
The Personal Boundary
Dr. Paul Dobransky's diagram system summarizes all of psychology and I find his system is presented in the Bible as symbols and stories designed to transform the psyche through metaphor and relgio-theater. Two ideas stood out to me from Mind OS as I was seeking to re-establish my Christian life stance.
Someone has pasted the Mind OS diagrams in a blog. See here.
If you go to that link above and scroll through it you will find two diagrams. The first shows a diagram showing that all negative emotions are on the spectrum between anger and anxiety. The next diagram summarizes how developing a healthy self-esteem is in part about transforming anxiety into well-being and anger into confidence. In Mind OS, self-esteem is defined as well-being + confidence. So the goal is:
Anxiety → Well-being
Anger → Confidence
In Mind OS, Dr. Paul Dobransky summarizes the human psyche and "personhood" using the diagram of the personal boundary. Another website explains it this way:
Dobransky uses the circle to encapsulate this. In the image from his diagrams posted at the following link, we see that too much anxiety and anger or stress depletes our boundary energy diminishing our self-esteem, see here.
When anger gets trapped in our personal boundary it transforms into depression. However, if we impulsively lash out at others with uncontrolled anger we will cause destruction in our social lives. This is why the Apostle Paul says that one of the fruits/results of the Divine Breath is self-control. The benefit of Christianity is that it harnesses our anger and channels it through constructive outlets.
In the paper, Reimagining Anger in Christian Traditions: Anger as a Moral Virtue for the Flourishing of the Oppressed in Political Resistance by Wonchul Shin (April 2020), the Abstract reads:
This paper aims to reimagine anger, which has been traditionally understood as one of the capital vices in Christian traditions, as a moral virtue of the oppressed in their resistance against structural injustice. This essay first examines the contemporary discussions on anger in the field of Christian ethics. Then, I critically evaluate Lisa Tessman’s account of “burdened virtues” and argue for a possibility that anger can be constructive in contributing to the flourishing of the oppressed. This paper argues that the oppressed can transform burdened anger into thriving anger that is conducive to their own flourishing through the communal bearing of the burden. This paper provides empirical support for this argument ...
Thus the spectrum of anger is funneled away from selfishness and irritation at life not going your way all the time, as you are re-focused toward a noble cause greater than yourself.
In my view, the problem with Atheism and the anti-Christian lifestance, is that it turns your anger outward on to Reality or God. With atheism, you lack an ultimate meaning in life and how to deal with the atheist belief in the ultimate annihilation of the self in death. You live in a constant state of anxiety at your impending erasure from existence, and an underlying anger at the unfairness of life. What Christianity does is soothe your anxiety with the promise of an afterlife and directs your anger at injustice toward creating a better world, a Heaven on Earth. As Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Much of anger is bottled up bodily tension, which depletes your energy and vitality. Chronic anger does not make you anti-fragile. The Christian virtues and principles relieve tension and stress by emphasizing the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5: 22-23. The first thing to note is that when Paul uses the word Spirit it is in Greek the word Pneuma (pronounced Nooma), which means literally wind or breath. I have covered the concept of Pneuma or the Divine Breath already on this blog. But suffice to say, if you are more focused on your breath you can notice the difference between your breath when you are anxious or angry, in comparison to joyful breathing or while being compassionate. It can act as as a way to monitor your anger and anxiety and destructive communication in contrast to communicating with other-focused love, joy, inner peace, kindness, generosity, loyalty and impulse control.
One can see right away that breath awareness and tonality and word choice can help us realize that if we are chronically angry and lashing out at people with a fiery tongue/words (James 3: 5-6), then we are causing an interpersonal lose-lose dynamic of mutually shared tension and stress; which does not make us anti-fragile and powerful, but destructive, depleted, and weakened.
I decided to draw my own image below summarizing the power of the Christian Life Philosophy to show that it is a pragmatic Way/Path that is psychologically healthy and empowering:
The reality is that the fruit of the spirit actually produces physiological changes that make us happier by reducing the stress hormone cortisol and making us more optimistic and positive toward others, which reverberates back to us; which makes us more powerful as we are not weakened and drained by the cycle of hate and philosophical pessimism that weighs us down.
Simon Sinek summarizes the power of Christianity indirectly by explaining the science of the fruit of the spirit on the Glenn Beck radio show. The fruit of the spirit and the Ekklesia produces what Simon Sinek calls a Circle of Safety and EDSO (Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin).
Just look at the power of breath control among Buddhist monks in freezing cold temperatures; and the martial artist Rickson Gracie who incorporates breathing exercises: which made him one of the greatest mixed martial artist in the world.
So what the New Testament does, especially when reading literal translations like The Unvarnished New Testament, is it help us focus on having the Divine Breath (the fruit of the spirit/breath) rather than the breathing patterns of excessive anger and anxiety and selfishness. See the image here.
Vice and virtue lists predate Christianity but Christianity puts an emphasis on a certain mindset of other-focusing. According to britannica.com
In the Christian ethic, love, or charity, which is omitted from the list of the pagan philosophers, becomes the ruling standard by which all else is to be judged and to which, in the case of a conflict of duties, the prior claim must be yielded.
https://www.britannica.com/topic/philosophy
According to teachfastly.com:
Virtues are settled habits that help guide all of our actions.
… Because virtues are part of our character, we do not grow in them just by understanding them, but by practicing them in our life with others over time ...
2 Peter 1:5-8 says: “...make every effort to add to your faith excellence, to excellence,
knowledge; to knowledge, self-control; to self-control, perseverance; to perseverance,
godliness; to godliness, brotherly affection; to brotherly affection, unselfish love. For
if these things are really yours and are continually increasing, they will keep you from
becoming ineffective and unproductive in your pursuit of knowing our Lord Jesus Christ
more intimately.” (NET) ...
What are the main Christian virtues?
Key Christian virtues can be drawn from descriptions of Christ-like character in Scripture, such as 2 Peter 1:5-8, Galatians 5:22-24, and Colossians 3:12. Some central
Christian virtues include:
- faith [trust]
- hope
- love
- wisdom
- self-control
- joy
- courage
- faithfulness [loyalty]
- peace
- patience
- humility
- gentleness
- goodness
- compassion
- [gratefulness]
Source: http://teachfastly.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/List-of-Virtues.pdf
So what happens to you emotionally when you move from destructive angry emotions like rage, resentment, hate, revenge, etc., and you channel anger into constructive goodness and a just and noble cause? What happens when you transform anger into confidence by doing the right thing? What happens when you act out more trust/faith in Ultimate Reality as an expanding Source of Plenty, have more hope and love and are more grateful for what you have and what has went well in your life; and act with wisdom and more self-control? What happens when you share feelings of joy with friends and act with courage toward a just cause, directing your anger instincts toward releasing stress by feeling part of a larger Big Story? What happens when you feel more inner peace connected to a Divine Presence? The answer is you feel better, fuller, healthier. Meanwhile, by treating others with patience, humility, gentleness, goodness, and compassion, you generate what John Gottman calls Positive Sentiment Override (PSO) and relational Trust.
Going back to Mind OS, and all negative emotions is on a spectrum between Anger and Anxiety, the Christian Way minimizes anxiety through prayer or meditation and trusting the Divine Lens and directing one's attention with a Grand Narrative. Anxiety is also minimized through the Christian community and the Limb-Limb attitude (we are all the orchestrating limbs of Jesus' body acting out his Way). Many scientists have proven that communal worship reduces stress levels and even pain. I felt this myself in my teens after having panic attacks, the communal feelings and hymns had a real experiential calming effect on me.
In Mind OS, the ability to transform negative emotions into positive emotions and balance the left-brain and right-brain is called entering the area of a “genius.” I thought about how this is basically the goal of New Testament Christianity, to go from an anxious/angry presence to a principle-centered confident presence: as a glorified pneumatic self. As I read through the NT, I see the recurrent theme of turning anxiety into well-being and anger being directed at confidently taking up your cross to actively pursue a just cause larger than your narrow minded ego. While Christianity actually enlarges your healthy ego through union with other healthy egos.
Existential angst is combatted with existential security in Christ, and your life having a purpose and meaning within the Big Story of the Bible. I see Paul dealing with cynicism and pessimism in paganism, and some of the earlier Jewish scripture like Ecclesiastes, with a fighting spirit and an optimism to generate on earth as in heaven a spiritual ideal; as Paul and others combat pessimism with the goal of theosis.
Dr. Paul Dobransky defines friendship as “consistently shared, mutual, positive emotion.” Or exchanging mutual self-esteem energy. What I see on nearly every page of the NT is exactly that. For example, most of the gods and demigods at that time were all about demanding obedience and ritual sacrifice to them, and in return they were not too reliable and rather capricious and cruel. In contrast, the Christian God-man Jesus says in John 15:15 (The Passion Translation):
I have never called you ‘servants,’ [or slaves] because a master doesn’t confide in his servants, and servants don’t always understand what the master is doing. But I call you my most intimate and cherished friends,[b] for I reveal to you everything that I’ve heard from my Father.
Footnote [b] reads: “Both the Aramaic and Greek word for “intimate friends” is actually “those cared for from the womb.” You are more than a friend to him, for you were born again from his wounded side.”
I have said to people that friendship is treating others as if their self-esteem is as important as your own. I later realized that Paul says the same thing:
Philippians 2:3 (NRSV)
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.
Galatians 6:2 (NRSV)
Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Romans 13:9 (NRSV)
The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet”; and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Galatians 5:14 (NRSV)
For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
This is later reiterated in Matthew 22:39 (NRSV), wherein Jesus says: … ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
It seems counter intuitive to love others as if they are thyself, but it practically creates an expanded personal-boundary, a co-souled expansion of well-beingness, i.e. increased self-esteem tanks for all involved. For you don’t just delight in your happiness and success but that of The Other. Thus you don't just feel emotionally full when thinking of yourself but can feel fulfilled when those around you excel or feel good. You then avoid the sinkhole of filling only your emotional buckets with self congratulations, but become a congratulator and big-upper, filling their boundary; and as their boundary grows your boundary grows interdependently. Like sap flowing in a vine, it is as if you are connected to the same gas station fueling both gas tanks; in this case the same vine-life energy fueling both of your self-esteem tanks/buckets simultaneously so that your ego-cups overflow with mutual joy and positivity onto others. Their accomplishments are your accomplishments, their joy is your joy, etc. You expand your soul in this way.
You also generate a natural feedback loop of like begets like, you liking them and big-upping them causes them to like you back and want to reciprocate by big-upping you. Of course this is not always the case, the truly selfish just hoard validation unto themselves, but most normal people will replicate your loving-fuel into their ego-tanks. Here is a short video offering an allegory on the subject titled Validation by Kurt Kuenne.
In short, to be Mind OS “centered,” based on the MindOS diagrams, is to achieve the state of "genius" and to experience the goal of durable fulfillment. As Dr. Dobransky says “Character is destiny.” This is the same as being in Christ or putting on Christ, and developing the Character of Christ. In short, in Christianity the practical result is to transform destructive anger and anxiety into constructive feelings that build well-being and confidence. The end result being that you replace the life of destructive decisions leading to depleting your personal-boundary energy and lowering low self-esteem; with instead constructive virtue-habits toward an expanded personal boundary through interdependent connections and the Abundant Life. As Jesus says in the two translations below of the same verse:
John 10:10 (RSV):
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
John 10:10 (TPT):
A thief has only one thing in mind—he wants to steal, slaughter, and destroy. But I have come to give you everything in abundance, more than you expect—life in its fullness until you overflow!
In summary
What we find in the Christian virtue-habits is that at times some of them may sound less masculine, but in actuality they increase masculine vitality. It seems counterintuitive but true. For example, one might think that a child growing up with harsh sternness and the lack of emotional safety and affection, might grow up to be more masculine and stronger. But this is not the case. The fact is that children who receive loving parental affection combined with mature authoritative (but not authoritarian) parenting, become stronger adults; while children with unloving parents, or authoritarian or cruel parents, often end up lacking Inner Strength. Christianity begins by presenting the Christian with a mindset of being loved by a heavenly parental figure. This unconsciously increases your inner peace and strength and vitality.
The male desire for strength and power is actually what Christianity produces in the long term. The proof of this is in the early Christians themselves who stood up to destructive pagan beliefs and practices; and some scholars even arguing that their masculine fortitude actually eventually toppled the Roman system of power through their courageous acts of bravery.
By focusing on maintaining inner peace and impulse control, and a more other-centered framing, one actually reduces stress and increases one's inner psychological resources. It is counterintuitive but Christianity actually increases confidence and well-being. The pagan view among many of the pagan religions, at the time of Christianity, were instead focused on gaining power by any means necessary which ended up manifesting more self-centeredness, impatience, hatred, chronic revenge-seeking, lashing out, lack of impulse control, and coniving pursuits; which just generated a cycle of retributive violence and greed. Leaving everyone in a constant state of tension and stress and seeing the other and everyone as an enemy. In contrast, Christianity reduces such Destructive Cycles of emotional and physiological depletion through a radical philosophy of "enemy love" and radical hospitality. This life philosophy avoids chronic resentment with instead forgiveness which releases inner stress. Through internal emotional control and a more organic team-oriented mentality of seeing every brother or sister in Christ as interdependently linked with you, one produces greater individual power through co-boundary expansions.
A good example of how destructive decisions and relationships, ripple outward and affect others negatively, just watch seasons one through three of MTV's Jersey Shore. The tit-for-tat retributive cycle of verbal and physical violence between Ron and Sam generated a toxic relationship, not just for them individually but it generated ripple effects throughout the household which negatively affected their roommates. When Ron and Sam were separated from each other their personal boundary and vitality returned and they were more at peace inwardly and smiling and laughing more. They were not exercising the Christian virtues around each other and got caught in a cycle of toxic energy. They were not at their strongest and most vital when they were together. The same thing can be said of many of the might makes right type pagan virtues, attitudes and mentalities in comparison to Christianity. Christianity can be compared to a household full of positive emotional energy which generates greater peace in the members of the household which increases their strength and vitality.
Everyone knows this even from a secular perspective. Science shows that when people row a boat in unison they can row longer and faster as a group/team. Arnold Schwarzenegger made it clear that he benefited from a training partner. Many people spend years in the gym doing an exercise incorrectly until they work with a trainer to learn the correct form. More examples could be given.
The ultimate power of Christianity is in its ability to reduce existential angst and avoid nihilism and philosophical pessimism. The optimistic philosophy of Christianity reduces personal anxieties and the cycle of violence, through an organic philosophy of everyone being related as a new divine species implanted with the Wisdom of Christ. This divine identity not only gives one a meaning in life and a shared purpose within a spiritual family of brothers and sisters in Christ (with an empowering shared ideal and ethic), but it generates antifragility through the avoidance of perfectionism: by knowing that the process of imitating Christ is a process of willfully going through setbacks, challenges and failures (2 Corinthians 11:16-33); in an on-going process of "taking up your cross daily" and "antifragililly" growing into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18), or Christ Victor; as the poetic encapsulation of the ultimately triumphant hero archetype.
Even the pagan atheist Friedrich Nietzsche was influenced by the power of Christianity's antifragile philosophy when he wrote in Thus Spoke Zarathustra, “And only where there are graves are there resurrections.” This sentiment is similar to Luke's take up your cross and daily. In other words, it is only through experiencing the daily "deaths" of failures, persecutions, and dying to our fragile-egos, that we can resurrect anew daily (that is reconstruct ourselves) and become more antifragile through imitating Christ as the ultimate antifragile hero.
