After going through an atheistic phase I have since then pondered how much Christianity plays a part in civil discourse or the lack thereof. Growing up in the LDS church and spending time around other Christian sects, I began to notice that while Christians are not perfect in their communication there is a general standard of discourse that is often lacking in more secular and atheistic circles. I am speaking from experience and anecdotally of course, but my experience ranges over several years after attending an atheist meetup for a couple years and going on several secular-nontheist-exmormon message boards and atheist message boards, and observing the the kind of communication that frequently arises in these venues and on YouTube and in the media.
I began to notice that there is in my view a difference between someone with a commitment to the Christian ideals of discourse (I will summarize below) and someone who is not committed to spiritually motivated civil discourse. I use the words spiritually motivated, because without the Christian concepts of belief in the soul and metaphysical good and evil, and a higher standard, the secular deconstructionist atheistic worldview often reduces humans to animals without metaphysical intrinsic worth; and there is no objective truth and no soul and thus communication with that mindset very easily ends up being rude and snarky, disrespectful and condescending, and ganging up on people and cyberbullying and other power plays.
I once had a disagreement with a secular atheist on a message board and things got heated. Having a "Christian heart" and a higher standard I attempted to deescalate and attempted to appeal to secular ethicists since they were an atheist -- figuring that if I could appeal to a shared authority of an atheistic ethicist then we could move forward toward mutual respect and understanding -- but the secular atheist I was debating with criticized and rejected every atheist philosopher I presented in an attempt to garner some mutual agreement for better communication between us for greater solidarity. This person had no interest in civility or caring about one another's well-being, their only goal was to disparage me and annihilate my self-esteem and one-up me at all costs.
I quickly realized there was no higher standard to appeal to or abide by. This person did not believe in God or a higher Good or a soul or right etiquette. They were only interested in feeling right and superior and dominating me and dehumanizing me; and this toxic energy I could see generated a toxic environment; as I learned later after seeing that this poster had gone off on others and had created a gang mentality with fellow toxic communicators joining their destructive"energy," and they would all join in on cyberbullying anyone they disagreed with. The moderators who I learned were anti-christian only supporting this behavior. So others in The Message Board started joining in and attempting to cyberbully me. I stood up for myself and did not let them bully me, and eventually one person chimed in and said that this is why they do not go on this message board anymore because of this kind of toxic behavior. I learned a lot from that exchange. I learned that while many secular atheists can be ethical and practice good communication skills (and often do), yet without a commitment to a shared standard based on certain metaphysical beliefs, then chaos and "evil" can easily ensue. I could clearly see that this mob mentality and a lack of empathy and dehumanizing me is the kind of group "energy" that in other cases could easily grow into a mob attacking somebody on the streets before due process. If one studies history one finds in many secular atheistic governments that this dehumanizing mentality would often take hold and lead to great harm. Take away God, the soul, and a higher standard, and the energy of hate, resentment, and dominance takes over.
Without treating the other as having intrinsic worth, as having a soul, then people are reduced to objects of other's ridicule and bullying and even mob violence ensues. This was a turning point for me in my philosophical and psychological development away from atheism and back toward the Christianity of my youth. For I was beginning to see that secular atheism was not only the cause of having lingering existential depression I had dealt with for years but that without the higher standard of the Christian Ethic, then groups and societies can very easily disintegrate into Insiders & Outsiders, mob rule, chaos, and evil.
The Christian ethic seeks to mitigate this Othering with parables like leaving the 99 sheep for the one, the Good Samaritan, and seeing yourself in your enemy, even loving your perceived enemy, because they are like you, a fellow human being; thus esteeming the other as yourself, so there is no Other, no enemy group to hate and dehumanize; for We Are All One as children of a Higher Power.
This is not to say that all Christians are in contrast perfect. To be clear, what I am saying is that the difference between the nontheist and the Christian, is that the Christian as a Christian can be called to a higher standard to live up to. They can indeed be a hypocrite. The secular atheist on the other hand has no higher standard to live up to and thus cannot be a hypocrite in their behavior. For if there is no God or afterlife, we're just animals, mere gene-machines, and there is no objective right or wrong, and it really is a matter of Anything Goes, as Nietzsche put it, "everything is permitted." All you can do is point out that the nontheist's behavior might lead to negative cause and effect responses and consequences and eventual criminality and the consequence of jail time. But other than that, you cannot criticize the nontheist for not living up to some higher standard or being a hypocrite (or Christian faker) because there is no metaphysical standard they're obliged to live by. With the Christian however, you do have that higher standard to hold them to. If they are not living up to it that would not be an indictment of the Christian ethic but simply them not abiding by the biblical higher standard, and they are not being true to the ethical ideal. At the end of the day, with the Christian ethic we are our Brother's Keeper and are obliged to live up to social rules of etiquette.
In this post-Christian secular world the secular philosophy basically preaches that you are not your brother's keeper, we are not one body/team of Jesus-apprentices committed to a higher good as was the case in former times when Christianity had a greater foothold in the American consciousness. Instead, today communication often becomes a way to express your egocentric needs at the expense of others. And what has been the result of this? Advertisers not esteeming their fellow human beings as themselves and causing obesity by pushing excessive sugar, salts and fats in their products, and pharmaceutical drug companies pushing their products and leading to addictions. Companies not caring about the effects of their chemicals being spilled into the environment. The way some employers treat their employees which increases stress and tention in homes and causing unhappy children; who become unhappy adults which leads to unhappy citizens where both the rich and the poor suffer from the lack of civility and kindness from the breakdown of Christian values.
In contrast, imagine if there is a "heaven," and we are accountable to a higher standard. Imagine if businesses operated with the Christian ethic in mind. Imagine if employers treated all their employees fairly with a Christian ethic. Imagine if families upheld the Christian ethic. Would that not lead to improved communication and civility? I may not be able to change the secular culture but I can choose to live out the Christian ethic among my own friends and family and social groups. As Gandhi put it, I can be the change I want to see in the world.
Non-theistic ethicists have tried to frame boundaries for better communication in our secular environment by introducing methods like Rapoport's Rules. However, what I have seen time and time again is that among nontheistic secularists there is no higher moral standard that motivates one to even bother following Rutherford's Rules. For, on secular-atheism why not follow Nietzsche's rules of seeking dominance and subjugating the weaker at all costs, even lying to gain the upper hand, or cursing back and counterattacking your opponent an extra five times in return in order to prove you're not one with paws only but have claws? Yet this mentality has led to gang wars and neverending tit-for-tat violence and the degradation of whole neighborhoods operating on this anti-christian attitude. Just watch a documentary on the origins and growth of a gang or gangs (with an anti-Christian ethic) in a particular neighborhood and the toxic damage it does to that community. As Gandhi put it: an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
I witnessed in real-time the rise of toxic divisiveness in politics increase right before me in the 2010s. For example, the "pagan brawler" Donald Trump said at a prayer breakfast, when a Christian encouraged that we live up to the ethical communication standards of Jesus of Nazareth (and "loving our enemy" more) to decrease the "crisis of contempt and polarization" he was seeing in poltics, Trump disagreed with that ethic or higher standard (see Trump’s prayer breakfast jibes jolt many faith leaders by David Crary, February 6, 2020).
As a result of this, and many other factors, it seems to me that groups on both the far-left and far-right politically have shared the same post-Christian attitudes and adopted similar toxic and divisive communication patterns. In my view, as a result of the general breakdown of the Christian ethics of communication over the years, combined with events like Donald Trump's non-Christian communication patterns others have followed suit and there has been an increasing rise of Us vs. Them, contentious speech, and hate/vitriol of the Other/Outsider/Party, among both the politically far-right and far-left, which has risen to an all-time high in my view (as of 2021, as I type this).
Just imagine if the political parties returned to common decency, like in the past when Republicans and Democrats would debate and then go have lunch together. Imagine if the Christian virtues of civil discourse and solidarity returned? Would our government not function more effectively and people would treat each other better as their leaders were setting a better example and thus there would be greater emotional health and happiness?
I mean what is our societal goal in our political communication? Is the goal, endless anger and tension from divisiveness and insults and one-upping or seeking mutual understanding? Or friendly debate over ideas with respect for the other, and reconciliation and then spending an equal amount of time feeling inner peace and joy and laughing and having more fun?
In my own life I have seen many people who grew up Christian abandon the Christian ethic and take one or the other to divorce court or civil court (lawsuits) and much pain and suffering ensued. If they had taken seriously the communication ethics of the Christian philosophy they would not have done so. See what the Bible says on lawsuits/suing.
So what are the practical teachings of the New Testament on good communication?
The Power of the Tongue (Controlling your Words) & Dealing with Escalated Emotion, Contention and Anger:
Proverbs 18:21 (NRSV):
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
James 1:19
(NRSV):
You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger;
James 3:2
(CEV)
All of us do many wrong things. But if you can control your tongue, you are mature and able to control your whole body.
James 3:2 (EXB)
We all make many mistakes [L stumble in many ways]. If people never said anything wrong [L did not stumble in speech/teaching/word], they would be perfect and able to control their entire selves, too [L bridle their whole body also].
Proverbs 15:28 (EXB):
Good people [L The heart/mind of the righteous] think [reflect; meditate] before they answer,
but the wicked simply pour [blurt] out evil.
Colossians 4:6
(Expanded Bible):
When you talk, you should always be kind [gracious] and pleasant [winsome; engaging; or wholesome; L seasoned with salt] so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should.
Proverbs 15:1
(EXB)
A gentle [soft; tender] answer will calm a person’s anger [turns back/away wrath],
but an unkind [painful; sharp] answer will cause more [raises] anger.
The Gospel of Matthew on Good Communication and Conflict Resolution:
Matthew 5:23-24
(Amplified Bible, Classic Edition):
So if when you are offering your gift at the altar you there remember that your brother has any [grievance] against you, Leave your gift at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come back and present your gift.
Matthew 12:36
(Amplified Bible):
But I tell you, on the day of judgment people will have to give an accounting for every careless or useless word they speak.
Matthew 18:15-16
(CEB)
“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and correct them when you are alone together. If they listen to you, then you’ve won over your brother or sister. But if they won’t listen, take with you one or two others so that every word may be established by the mouth of two or three witnesses.[a]
Imagine if friends, families, organizations and businesses applied the communication ethic above.
Christian's Not Acting Christian
A major problem among many in the Christian sects today, is they focus less on emphasizing the actual prescribed biblical behavior and focus more on abstract belief-systems (based on Greek philosophy) and theological and political ideology, so that they often overlook the "weightier matters" of the laws of social conduct. For example, I watched carefully as the exMormon Shawn McCraney turned the same critical analysis he did on the LDS church to the Evangelical Christians in his local area around 2015. In the process, I watched as so-called "Christians" did not live up to the ideals of actual Christian communication as described above. They did not meet with Shawn in private, one-on-one, but instead began to condemn him publicly before speaking to him first. Granted, they were irritated by Shawn's criticisms of their man-made traditions which McCraney did not think could be traced back to the Bible. But Shawn did not directly attack them personally.
At the end of the day however, as I listened to Shawn interact with Evangelical Fundamentalist Christians and egos flared and disagreements ensued, I noticed that they were often restrained in their demeanor, as one or the other would seek to decrease the contention and hostility by appealing to the higher biblical standard which they were both committed to. In contrast to this, when I have seen secular nontheists go at it and egos flare there is no appeal to a higher standard and thus the most cruel and uncivil behavior can easily ensue. Especially if one or the other is possessed by a particular secular ideology which dehumanizes the Other.
Speaking your Opinion before Gathering the Facts & Strriving to tell the Truth over Falsehoods:
Proverbs 18:13
(Amplified Bible)
He who answers before he hears [the facts]—
It is folly and shame to him.
I have watched the media cover a criminal court case and have listened to them completely form answers and conclusions before hearing the facts of the case. In the process, I've watched them tell many lies and distortions. I think they were able to do that because political ideology and working for for-profit news corporations took precesidence over the higher standard of ethical communication and actual journalism. Imagine if the news media followed the standards of Ephesians 4:25:
Ephesians 4:25
(NRSV)
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.
Ephesians 4:25
(Amplified Bible)
Therefore, rejecting all falsehood [whether lying, defrauding, telling half-truths, spreading rumors, any such as these], speak truth each one with his neighbor, for we are all parts of one another [and we are all parts of the body of Christ].
Philippians 4:8
(NKJV):
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
The left-wing secular media is the exact opposite of what Paul describes as good communication in Philippians 4:8. They're most often not noble nor just and do not focus on the beautiful and lovely and report the good and the praiseworthy. The same can be said of the far-right media. They all do the exact opposite, they focus on the negative, the chaotic ("if it bleeds it leads!"), and they sow political discord and contention.
So is there a better way to engage in persuasion?
Righteous Persuasion:
2 Timothy 2:16
(Amplified Bible, Classic Edition)
But avoid all empty (vain, useless, idle) talk, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness.
2 Timothy 2:16
(EXB)
16 Stay away from foolish, useless talk [godless/irreverent chatter; 1 Tim. 1:3–4; 4:7; 6:20], because that will lead people further away from God [into even more ungodliness].
Proverbs 16:23
(CEV)
You can persuade others
if you are wise
and speak sensibly
Proverbs 25:11
(CEV)
The right word
at the right time
is like precious gold
set in silver.
Don't just talk the talk but Walk the Walk:
1 Corinthians 13:1
(CEV)
What if I could speak
all languages
of humans
and of angels?
If I did not love others,
I would be nothing more
than a noisy gong
or a clanging cymbal.
1 Corinthians 13:1
(EXB)
I may speak in different languages [L tongues; 12:10, 29, 30] of people or even angels. But if I do not have love, I am only a noisy [resounding] bell [gong] or a crashing [clanging] cymbal.
1 Corinthians 13:1
(MSG)
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
1 John 3:18
(CEB)
Little children, let’s not love with words or speech but with action and truth.
1 John 3:18 (EXB)
My children [2:1], we should love people not only with words and talk [L in word and tongue], but by our actions and true caring [or by showing true love through our actions; L in deed and truth].
